walking through walls
well, due to stupidity at my school, I got jacked.
someone took my digital camera because the locksmith left my door unguarded.
to top it all off, the perp poured a whole bottle of coke in to my bookbag, rendering all papers and documents into a sticky, wet mess.
i'm just glad that I put my last batch of pictures into my computer before It got stolen.
there is hope I will get some cash back, but i'm still mighty pissed.
add another reason to not come back next year.
in other news. I really want to be creative, or if I can't be "creative", at least create something.
some of my stress and frustration still comes from the fact that I don't really have any creative output.
I guess photography is out of the question for a while.
to those who are curious
I basically had about 2.5 panic attacks last week or so.
call it exhaustion, worry, "coming down", whatever.
doc gave me happy pills, but, they are hidden, i don't want to take them.
breathing works fine.
i'm feeling much better
my appetite is coming back, and I don't feel dread.
although I feel like my room is creeping up over me.
but, I cleaned it and I feel fine.
for some reason, blogger isn't putting my pictures up.
Help!
the laundry monster has taken over.
the move back has been tougher than I thought. I'm tired, caffeine/beer withdrawal.
the career fair I went to today was sobering. Of course I shouldn't expect much from those things, but it was just strange sitting in line talking to bored representatives about jobs.
THey told me to bring 20 resumes, I ended up handing out only 5. and i'm going to a non-profit one on friday, and I don't even think i'm gonna use the same resume.
so, i've got 15 or so copies of a resume that prob won't help me anywhere.
maybe i'll make some paper sculpture out of em.
my room is messy, and it was my goal to get it clean. and it was also my goal to get more work done.
neither happened.
crescent rolls are in the oven, i'm gonna cook.
maybe clean later.
at least the laundry monster is half defeated by now.
HOMEsweet home.
i'm back in L.A. Its slowly sinking in that I have to go to work tomorrow. but, due to a couple of job fairs, I'll have a short week.
the trip was an overall success, with much needed time spent with family and friends. I was so glad that Rachel was able to come with me.
I regret not seeing enough of Jennifer or Jason or Carlos, and I really regret not seeing Christian at all.
as usual, I come back with more shit than I left with. namely, a like-new backpack from Pablo, and some new clothes ,dvd's, and fucking delicious gates bbq sauce. (i'm sorry Arthur Bryants, I couldn't make it out to eat your divine bbq this time)
of all the things I could have taken back with me, I really wish I would have snagged this at the "antique" mall. yes, that is an official Michael Jackson AM radio. Whats even funnier, I owned a full sized, framed print of that same pitcture of Jacko, bathed in canary yellow. It sat in my basement next to the nintendo and weight machine.

I feel a bit more refreshed, physically and mentally. I just have to run with whatever happens in these next few months, and take what comes.
also, I'm gonna try to write on this thing more often. the content may not be that important, but attempting to express myself is.
and, I want to see who posts more pictures, Maggie or myself.
Day 5 (saturday)eating
shopping
eating
drinking
collecting hail
sitting through tornado warnings
drinking
sleeping
my doggie, shaq
we went out and got my mom and dad a brand new computer. the old one took way too long to do simple things
the last 3 computers i've set up for people haven't been mine.
i think its time to get myself a new one. the trip is over, going home on sunday.


Day 4 (friday)against better judgement, we get up at 6 or so after getting 3 hours of sleep to get breakfast with the fam, and then head on the road with rachel and eric to Columbia, MO home of the University of Missouri, my alma mater.
so, we head east on to the I-70 highway

not much in between, just some slowly declining outlet malls, and lots of fireworks stands.
We get to como, and walk around. I was there predominantly to grab lunch with my mentor pablo, and some new asian american leadership at our school.
my flash was off, so the group photo was blurry.

after a few hours, we walk around campus some more. I took pictures of campus "highlights" that I never really cared for when I went there. and they still don't do much. most of my memories from school were triggered by people, not places.


however, one place that always had a place in my heart was the old heidelberg bar. For 3 years, every wednesday night at the 'berg was my home. boulevard wheat bear and burgers.
the summer after graduation it sadly burned down. fortunately, it was rebuilt last year or so. and this was the first time at the (new) old heidelberg. my childhood friend Ilene met up with us, it is always good to see her.
fun with condiments/silverware


after a long tiring drive back, more mahjongg with Terry and his girl JoHanna.
then to bed.
oh my, is he really posting for the third day in a row?
yes,yes he is
Day Three in KC (thursday)
we wake up, eat our granola and then take the doggie for a walk. by 11 am it was already 90 degrees.
What we thought would have been a hardcore work day was changed when we were able to get a car.
so, what does one do when they have a car?
i guess we go to the antique mall in parkville, missouri.
Parkville is a small town that borders the kansas city northland, I went to church there, and a majority of my friends lived there. yeah, it is an independent city, but basically a neighboor hood of kansas city.
we pass the mini-golf place, and pass the argentinian restaurant, and head straight to this random-ass antique mall.
rachel found some jewelry

i guess I found abe lincoln and jesus

we both found elvis, dead. commemorated even

call me kooky, but Itry to find all the old school prejudice, stereotypical ethnic figurines.
its just so amazing, racism is a bit more veiled these days.
a couple of my favs
aren't they cute?

don't steal cookies

after leaving bizzaro antique land, we head to my favorite restaurant Malay Cafe.
rachel had vegetarian Java Mee , i had the curry chicken

we take a nap, and then head to the gym.
after that, dinner and mahjongg with my rachel, mum, and dad

I did not win one game.
all in all though, a great day and night
tomorrow we head out to my alma mater, the university of missouri-columbia to do some sightseeing
Kansas City, Day one part 2, We ended day one with Jenn, Rachel, Eric, Jason and I at the Honky Tonk Supper Club.
Here is
Rex Hobart, of The Misery Boys fame.
I was fucking around with 4 second exposures.
Day Two (Wed)We were able to get some more sleep, which was really nice considering our late night.
After cooking some pancakes, we headed to the consumerist capital called the Plaza.
there I participated in some consumerism myself, buying some shirts and pants. I then splurged on baby Jared Dorsett and bought some Kiehl's babycare stuff . Rachel even got a nice headband.
While we were there, we visited my homeboy Terry, or KKanji. he's working on his album, so I figured I could take some shots of him.

more fun with longer exposures

this is where I say that we should stop eating out this trip, too much $$, and way too many pounds..
anyway, we then headed over to independence, MO home of Harry Truman to visit my friend Eric and his beautiful baby, Jared.



after watching PCU, we headed back north. did a little juvenille Cruising (you small town folks know what I mean), even had a slice of pie at Perkins.
now we're home, settling down and watching some wonder showzen.
no car tomorrow for most of the day, so Its a work day, and playtime with the doggie
goodnight
Back to my roots, Kansas City trip Day 1, part one:I started the day off with a wet slobbery kiss from my doggie Shaq.
A few minutes of the news while I ate my reduced sugar frosted flakes, soon Rachel and I were off to (Maggie can guess) the local 24 hour fitness to get our sweat on.
We head back, quickly shower and dress to join our dad at the culinary (even religious) mecca of Kansas City, the world famous bbq joint Gates BBQ.
Its fucking good, affordable, and downright delicious. $30 dollars of bbq is alot, and my dad, rachel(yes, a vegetarian) and I ate it all.
you see, a trip to Gates starts off with the always friendly cashier yelling out "Hi, may I help you?" you had better know what you want to order, unless you want to make her angry. she'll take the order of the person behind you if you aren't ready.

one of the most popular choices is "burnt ends on bun", its as fun to eat as it is to say.

we get short ribs, a combo & a half sandwich (huge bbq beef and pork slathered in sauce, between three pieces of white bread), beans, potato salad, and fries. we also had copious amounts of gates spicy, sweet, and original sauces for dipping. If I was not as hungry as I was, I might have taken a picture of the sandwich in its entirety.
here's my dad Jim, ordering

oh my, here's rachel eating a rib. don't call the veggie police.

after gallons of sauce, napkins, even some good old heated political debate, we were done.
before we headed back to the 'burbs, we decided to give rachel a little tour of our family history.
the part of KC were gates bbq is and were we first lived, is your typical transitional ethnic neighborhood.
when we lived there, it was an italian neighborhood, complete with red white and green fire hydrants ( when i moved to the burbs with their black and yellow hydrants, I was confused).
the italians left, leaving way for the african american community, then the latinos, and now the vietnamese. while the building stay the same, the people and the languages do change.
I noticed alot of vietnamese and african people in the neighborhood when I drove through.
here's our family's first home, we got robbed 3 times, but I don't think my dad has ever been more proud of a home than this one. when he gets depressed he often visits here, to see where we came from. I need to do that more often.

the porch use to be screened in and the paint was a bright white when I lived there.
but, the door was the same. so was the fence. I use to play in a sand box right under that first window you see, next to a parked manual lawn mower (that also got stolen)
apparently, the dry cleaners up the street from us always had a witty quote, and my mom would make me read it every time we went by. that board basically taught me how to read.
today, the sign read "in the race for quality, there is no finish line".
we drove by the hospital where my parents met, the church where they were married and where i was baptized. I was too caught up in the moment to take a picture.
what a trip, what a first day.
tonight: the honky tonk supper club with rex hobart at the record bar. more things to come, more memories to share..
I really wish I could write songs.
listening to my friend dave's songs at lunch, watching mr. garza at largo tonight, seeing "pay to play" tomorrow night, makes me really wish I could express myself in song.
I feel like i'll forever be a fan of music.
all it seems to take is some chords and some "diary lyrics" as mr. garza put it. but when you watch a person like jay-z and rick rubin work together, or someone like jon brion do their magic, you realize that they have magic. i don't have magic.
i'm still struggling with some form of creative expression. i haven't touched glue, stencils, stamps, in months. its sitting neatly, waiting to be picked up like a little puppy.
its not that I don't have ideas, i'm just afraid of sucking. i'm afraid of being unable to execute my ideas.
i hope my bass playing intentions stay on the top of my priority list. Thanks to some talented and influential friends, I think I will.
i cue'd up some jeff buckley to go to sleep to, and that stuff takes me back to my senior year in college, sitting in my nissan, on a rainy day.
anyways, I'm not going anywhere with this, and I actually wrote and deleted 3 posts in the last week or so..
i better end it here.
my hibernation is ending.
I'm really looking forward to going home to KC for spring break. family and friends (with babies!) to see.
I'm excited to take Rachel back to my home town, show her where I went to college etc.
I'm excited for gates and arthur bryant's bbq
i'm exicited for malay cafe
i'm excited for cheap movies
i'm excited for rest and relaxation time
still, I'm scared to go back home. I want to "remember my roots", and I tend to romanticize KC too much, glossing over the shitty parts I don't want to think about. i don't feel totally at home yet in the LBC, and KC is losing its grip. I still feel like i'm in transition.
I need to establish my roots in Long beach still. I definately want to experience LA and Long Beach as an ex-teacher (more broke than before)
there are many trips I plan in my head. but, there will be time for that.
its still nice to go back home.