walking through walls
Thursday, September 30, 2004
 
so in order to fit into my clothes a bit better, I'm going to change my intake and increase my exercise level.

I forgot how easy it is to be lazy and eat bad when I am teaching. I really think my diet affected my mindset last year, thus i'm getting more sleep and trying to eat much better now.

i'll let ya'll know how it goes.


 
Monday, September 27, 2004
 
this whole lack of a creative outlet thing is really killing me. it annoys me to no end. I envy artists, musicians, writers. I read cool books, I go to galleries to see cool art, but, in the end , i'm not satisfied because I have not made one thing to contribute back. not one thing to inspire someone to do art, or to appreciate a song. it breaks my heart a bit, I don't want to just be a consumer, or a critic, I want to produce something.

but, I just can't get a canvas and paint can I? i just can't put a pen down to a pad and write can I?

it shouldn't be forced, like I was trying so hard to create for the sake of creating...
I know i'm whining, and there are tons more problems than my little lack of creativity these days....
I try to bring art to my students, because they don't get it at school. I see my students draw, and i'm envious. I'm jealous of their imagination, their little lines and figures that have so much life....gosh... maybe they should teach me how to be creative again...

i don't want to write a top 40 song, I don't want to make a work of art that is discussed by scholars, I'm not even sure if I want others to see,feel, hear my work... I just want to do it.

i'm happy that people like sarah and amy are encouraging me, but man, its hard...I try to do something at least once a week, and because of my limited skills and practice, I get frustrated..
I need to let go of that and just produce, without an end goal in mind..... thats the difference... I want the journey, not the destination right now....

"unfettered creativity is one of the most powerful manifestations of subversion possible, for it offers us all a taste of freedom"
---- the (international) noise conspiracy
 
Thursday, September 23, 2004
 
i love my lunch break
today, i decided to eat in my room.. a delicious burrito from whole foods that my roommate amy got for me.
go amy!
go burrito!
go lunch!

andthe bell just rang.......

 
Tuesday, September 21, 2004
 
Charlie Brown
You are Charlie Brown!

Which Peanuts Character are You?
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  9/21/2004 11:29:00 AM 0 comments
Wednesday, September 15, 2004
 
Ahhhh.. a brand new school year started last thursday. And much to my delight, things have run much more focused and efficient. Whether its my experience, kids maturity, both or the cosmos, things have been much better. My classroom management has gotten much better, and my students seem to be much more focused this year.
I am excited and looking forward to a good year. a year to go out with a bang. after long sessions of self conversation, and conversations with family, and my mentor Pablo at mizzou, I have made some pretty large life decsions.
for those of you who may not know, I am applying for a PHD program in Education Leadership and Policy. i'm quite interested in the University of Michigan, University of Ohio, even maybe mizzou.
That means many things. I will not return to markham for a third year of teaching.
In fact, I am returning to Kansas City to possibly work for the KC school district, either as a teacher, or hopefully as an admin office worker. I want to gain knowledge at many levels of a school district so that I will have experience in the many aspects of school/school district management.
why move back? well, economically, I don't want to pay Cali/Hollywood prices if I won't be making money while applying to school. Its much better for me to do this from home. as much as I love LA, I love KC. I don't see my self in KC for very long. As soon as I figure out where I should be going to school, off I go again. I'm already starting a job search so I have something for me when I get back. I prob should work for a year, or even an internship to pay my bills, (loans, car). so yeah, i'm poor

I am also coming back because ,yeah, i'm pretty much in love with this one woman. she's pretty freakin amazing. you probably know her name, but I haven't asked for permission to type her name here yet. being in love is a bit of a risk. you put yourself out there when there are never any guarantees in this world. but, I need to stop running away from my feelings, and do what I feel is right. I feel so much more comfortable, happy, excited etc... whatever happens, I still have a plan.

it feels good having a plan, I don't feel this desperate search for a future, and i'm not being this super anal "10 year plan" kind of guy. I know what I want to be doing, and i'm giving myself freedom within these plans.

I dont see what I'm doing as a step back. I'm not coming back to KC with my tail between my legs. I will finish my 2 year commitment to Teach for america and get on with my life.
this last year of teaching has really affected me. I know that I want to stay in the field of education. and I am comforted that there are many places, outside of the classroom to make a positive impact.
here's to all of you out there, with and without plans. those who are scared and excited about the future. the people in love, out of love. those who are out there making a difference. I salute you all and hope to join your ranks soon.


congrats to mr.dorsett for scoring a great job. you deserve it man. for those who want to get out to LA, please, please, ask me any questions. I've learned alot this past year, and I stand to learn alot more. plus, now I'll have a place to stay when I come back to visit.

i'll be in KC for thanksgiving and xmas break. I can't wait to see you all again. one week this summer was not enough. I didn't realize how much I miss my friends and family. Even though many of you are moving, we will still be connected.

  9/15/2004 11:11:00 AM 0 comments
does it have a barcode?

Name:
Location: Long Beach, California, United States

you cannot govern a foreign territory, a foreign people, aother people than your own..you cannot conquer them and govern them against their will, because you think it is for their good --- g.hoar (1899)

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