this whole lack of a creative outlet thing is really killing me. it annoys me to no end. I envy artists, musicians, writers. I read cool books, I go to galleries to see cool art, but, in the end , i'm not satisfied because I have not made one thing to contribute back. not one thing to inspire someone to do art, or to appreciate a song. it breaks my heart a bit, I don't want to just be a consumer, or a critic, I want to produce something.

but, I just can't get a canvas and paint can I? i just can't put a pen down to a pad and write can I?

it shouldn't be forced, like I was trying so hard to create for the sake of creating...
I know i'm whining, and there are tons more problems than my little lack of creativity these days....
I try to bring art to my students, because they don't get it at school. I see my students draw, and i'm envious. I'm jealous of their imagination, their little lines and figures that have so much life....gosh... maybe they should teach me how to be creative again...

i don't want to write a top 40 song, I don't want to make a work of art that is discussed by scholars, I'm not even sure if I want others to see,feel, hear my work... I just want to do it.

i'm happy that people like sarah and amy are encouraging me, but man, its hard...I try to do something at least once a week, and because of my limited skills and practice, I get frustrated..
I need to let go of that and just produce, without an end goal in mind..... thats the difference... I want the journey, not the destination right now....

"unfettered creativity is one of the most powerful manifestations of subversion possible, for it offers us all a taste of freedom"
---- the (international) noise conspiracy
  ¶ 9/27/2004 09:49:00 AM