ahhh... home is almost there..
just... a...few...more...tests...

its strange, I am one semester away from graduation... more about this some other time
what is weirding me out though, are my friends who are leaving these hallowed halls of education next week. I wonder how they feel about the future and what their plans are... if i'm stressed out now, man, I wonder what it will be like next sem..

anyways.. the holidays..
christmas lights, baking smells, cold mornings , even though I can be quite the cynical bastard, I enjoy the holidays.
forget all my complaints about the commodification of culture, the selling of joy etc... I am truly happy this time of year.
I think it comes from my family, being together, presents, food, quite hours..

its gonna be a new experience this year though. for the first time in 5 years we will have somewhat of a nuclear family.
i mean, its great.. food in the house, clean house, voices fill the air...
I am even happier for my father, because I now know he is no longer lonely..

I still think about my mom of course, and how it would be different if she were still here.. unfortunately, I'd have to admit, if she was around.. I'd probably be a selfish bastard, complaining about another holiday with the family.. mom dying made me grow up and mature from the young bastard I was.... Its really sad sometimes.. It took a loss to make me wake up..

anyways.. the biggest thing that I miss about my mom was watching this one beta tape with her during christmas when I was younger...
lets see.. the betamax tape had a couple of episodes of "puff the magic dragon", "charlie brown goes to camp" and some smurfs episodes..
all those images make me think of the happy and privileged childhood I had(have)..
to get my mom back for a day, just to watch that beta tape...would be better than all the christmas presents in the world...

so, without sounding preachy... enjoy the holidays, be kind to your family, don't be a bastard ;)  ¶ 12/12/2002 08:48:00 PM