uh oh--- my self imposed blinders are starting to fail me. as hard as i've tried, as much as I didn't want it to happen, girls have been creeping up in my mind lately.

jeez.. girls are just so, distracting, so bad for me right now, yet, sometimes its all I want. I figure I fill my days with countless activities to prevent that "void" I seem to get when not pre-occupied with a girl. And I must admit, its been great. I get stuff done, I have time to myself, and overall I'm pretty efficient....

Yet, sometimes I'd throw that away, just to have one of those lazy sunday mornings, laying in bed with her, not doing anything, oblivious of the responsibilites that lay ahead.

I try to tell myself, ' alex, you are graduating, don't get caught up in something you may not want to end'. i figure that a girl will blind me to what I really need to focus on, my future, my "career" what not. but like people say ,what good is a sunny day if you're not outside to enjoy it? will completing my "list" below be enjoyable if I don't have someone to share it with? of course, there are my friends, family etc.. but, one cannot exist on friends and family alone. you know that john lennon quote... (all you need is...). i mean, a first place trophy is no fun unless someone can hold it with you..

now, there isn't a specific girl per se.... okay, there maybe is, maybe two on my mind. One I kind of know, and the other girl I barely know. I've been so use to rejection of my romantic advances, that I can't tell if a girl is actually interested, and I'm still too much of a pussy to find out.

where does this lead alex? well, right now a whole lot of nothing, but, I need to promise myself to do something about it.
maybe it will end up with something meaningful, maybe it may change my plans, or maybe nothing will happen but I'll be able to have a smile on my face, knowing that I at least tried...  ¶ 10/01/2002 04:13:00 PM